January 2010
One week
since I started seeing Hannah. It’s been awesome.
I can’t believe how happy one person can make you feel. All those years of being lonely and bitter. It’s been washed away and now I feel incredible.
I keep feeling I don’t deserve her or to be this happy yet shes there and I am.
My god it seems I’ve been missing out all my life :|
I hope you arn’t all...
Weed
Queer stuff. My mouth feels funny.
Got my anti-deppressants back from the other house. Just in time as well.
Today getting a lift to my dads house by my mam she kept scolding me and asking questions about uni and shit.
How do you tell someone that the place she has set her hopes and dreams on you completing fills you with dread and that you havnt been there since before christmas.
Yes you heard me right my fellow tumblrs. Since before christmas. Nearly two weeks of term time I’ve missed since it...
“Whats wrong Rawson?”
“Nowt, I’m fine”
“Don’t lie, we can tell something is up. Tell us what it is”
Now I feel guilty for not telling them whats up :S
A - Age: 19
B - Bed size: single unless its one of the rare nights im at the hated mothers house, like tonight. double bed here
C - Chore you hate: got to be washing up
D - Don’t eat: vegetables
E - Essential start your day item: cigarette
F - Favourite board game: monopoly
G - Gold or Silver: Silver
H - Height: 6’1
I - Instruments you play(ed): piano
J - Job title: unemployed :|
K...
Well
I’m at my mams house. I hate this place so much.
I’m in a “juck fuck everything” mood. I don’t even have my laptop as it’s broke so I’m going to be locked in my room doing nothing.
And I’m sorry Sam. I failed to do it again :/
feels like crying
University
It’s funny how just thinking about the place destroys all happiness I have and leaves me with a deep sense of forboding and dread.
Rawson you fucking fat prick, you can do this. Pull yourself together for fucks sake!
I have a strange fascination with the old. Hence why I love history, wish to be a history teacher, love the history channel, read historical novels or fantasy novels set in a medieaval setting, read about alternate history.
It’s also why i long for my pocket watch. It was a gift to me from my grandparents when i was a child.
This blog adds nothing and if you read it all then I thank you...
I must be in love with sabotageing my life. Tommorrow I’ll definately do it.
jadelikeswords:
dear body,
please go back to how you used to be so i don’t feel self conscious any more.
love, jade.
Jade, you are and always shall be beautiful.
Theres nothing that makes feel feel more insignificant than looking at the stars on a night like this. I best be off to bed soon, I NEED to make my lecture tommorrow otherwise Sam will hurt me :P
Look at the stars though. My god it’s beautiful.
The average amount of time the ball is in play on...
hiheather:
So people are watching for 3 hours, only for 11 minutes of actual play. I wondered why it was terrible!
its four hours normally actually :P
It’s funny how much I long to be my own man, to be independant and all that shiz like how all my friends are.
Yet I know how woefully unprepared for it I am. I know I wouldn’t survive on my own. I can barely cook.
There was so much flawed with feaudalism. And yet… I do believe that being squired off in my childhood would of done me good.
Look at me next time you see me. See...
Jade Stobbs
I apologise for bothering you tonight with my shit. It was out of order really.
Oh man. The things I sacrifice for my friends. How about my university education? It’s gone :)
I don’t ask anything in return. That’s the man I am, I give but don’t ask and then wonder whats happening with my life.
Well I tell you, many people say they would die for their friends, but that’s too easy in this world of self hatred, punishing yourself and cutting.
Oh...
LBW
He doesn’t always post on here, but when he does 9/10 times it makes me smile :)
jadelikeswords:
jr, i’m happy you class me as a best friend. we shall have a nice chat when i’ve finished revising, yes?
You’ve always had a place in my heart ever since I first met you and instead of judging me on the basis of that very strange appearance I had, you talked to me and we’re so nice to me. Ever since then my love has grown for you each day so yes, you are one of my...
It's the strangest feeling
but I do believe that I am in a constant state of happiness, barring one or two times of feeling down.
I don’t just mean that it’s because I’ve had a good day. This past week I’ve have been as happy as Larry.
There’s three reasons for this.
Friends: They mean so much to me and I love them to pieces. SS, JS, HC (L)
Living life: I really have been living it as best...
This is the kind of rant I need music for.
hiheather:
jadelikeswords:
hiheather:
So, I’m sitting down to watch a bit of scrubs and I’ve just had my tea. I look in the fridge and I notice my mum saved me one of her chocolate biscuity things and I got so excited, it’s beside me right now. So, I come on tumblr, and I see the sentence ‘at least I’m not shoving disgusting food down my throat’ and I was completely devastated. After...
I would like to apologise for my drunken ramblings last night :P.
Jimmy Carr tonight :)
Im in good spirits
despite coughing insane amounts of blood last night. i’m going to get mortalled tonight.
aha
This will sound like a rant, but it's not meant to...
hiheather:
jrawson:
hiheather:
It’s really upsetting to see yourself in someone else when they’re going through a hard time and they can’t pull themselves out of it. Have you ever noticed that giving advice is so easy; telling a friend to revise more, telling a friend their partner is no good for them so they should finish it, telling a friend to walk away from a confrontation, telling your...
I like how much I’ve been living life recently. This weekend will hopefully crown it :)
I also got the book I wanted today. RESULT!!
This will sound like a rant, but it's not meant to...
hiheather:
It’s really upsetting to see yourself in someone else when they’re going through a hard time and they can’t pull themselves out of it. Have you ever noticed that giving advice is so easy; telling a friend to revise more, telling a friend their partner is no good for them so they should finish it, telling a friend to walk away from a confrontation, telling your friend to walk away from...
Don't mess with the geeks.
Geoff told me a story which made me laugh last night.
Dale and him were being talked to by some security guard who was proper blagging on and on and on. Eventually this man went “It might sound geeky but my favourate program is Doctor Who. Ask me anything about it, I bet I know it.” and then looked at Geoff with a big smug look on his face.
Mistake my friend. Geoff and I are prime...
Waterstones better have the book I want. Ive bought most the series. The first one, the fourth one and the third one part 2. I just need the second one and the third one part one.
Then i can escape.
hiheather:
jadelikeswords:
i don’t understand all these girls who calorie count and work out as if they’re training for olympics and act like each day is a military battle to lose a part of their body. i see a lot more of these comments and pictures in some of the girls tumblrs i follow and it makes my heart sink. i have a male friend who is massively anorexic (paradox, i know), and i really...
I wish I knew where my pocket watch was. It was a gift to me from my grandfather at my brothers christening and even though it broke I loved it so much I wore it on a chain attached to my belt even at school.
I used to pretend it was like Bernards watch and could stop time. Those are fond memorys.
But most of all it was simply beautiful. Ornately decorated and gold plated. I loved it. My mam...
I want to find my old pocket knife. It was a gift to me years ago and i enjoyed whittling with it.
Or maybes I’ll use it to cut myself whenever I’m on the move, then get supported by people on here in those habits. I’m not actually serious.
You’re turning me against you Tumblr. You are scaring me. You are encouraging evil and I don’t think I can handle it anymore.
If there is one thing I am good at, it’s perception.
I can tell most things instantly just by one glance. Not just seeing the area but also perceiving.
Tonight I was told yet another secret. I would say I intend to keep it but tbh it would be pointless. I keep many secrets, some people don’t even know about themselves but Rawson knows. Of course it stays secret.
I mention perception...
Guess who missed his exam today due to getting the times mixed up.
If I’m serious about sorting my life out I definately don’t need to be making mistakes like that.
But thats not what upsets me. What upsets me is seeing my friends hurt.
oh god. oh god. oh god.
i feel like a child. i need help. its too much.
i keep running away from the problem and i dont have the courage to face it. im a coward and a disgrace to the family name
if youre up there lord. please fucking help me :(
Why does university scare me so badly? I’m heading back to the place where I have no friends.
one of my flatmates
jadelikeswords:
got given a five foot five inflatable penis for christmas. it’s taller than i am. it is now an olympic sport tool, we have taken part in:
penis javelin. (it’s harder than it looks, excuse the pun, the base is filled with water to allow it to bounce like one of those punch bags haha) penis log throw. penis shoot out. penis hurdles. penis limbo.
any ideas for penis olympic...
reblog if you should be revising/doing homework.
samslack:
zoeeeeeezoeeeee:
loveisproblematic:
partytights:
themoonandthewolf:
hollysses:(via yousmileinyoursleep)
Im so scared I’m going to fail Uni :(
My nice guy story, as promised
I met her in september 2008. She was 16 and I was 17 going on 18. I quickly fell in love with her. I know it wasn’t really love but my god I liked her so much.
As we got to know each other we flirted with each other. You have to appreciate how little confidence I had in myself at the time. I saw this beautiful thing flirting with me and I did what many men have done before me. I stalled.
...
Every nice guy has his nice guy story which involves heartbreak or being screwed over by a girl. I’m going to tell mine tommorrow.
I refuse to see how my tumblarity can drop overnight by 21.
My stomach is making funny movements. I drank too much last night.
sam slack
please dont think im ignoring you. my msn borke for some reason and as youre appearing offline, i cant find your addy as i cant reember it. those ive asked have been most unhelpfull.
fucks sake
im going to bed now. let it be known how much i love you sam. i hope you know already as i cant be arsed typing a full day of my profession of love :)
I'm going for a walk
in the snow with nothing but a short sleeved shirt on. I want to feel the cold chill on my bones. I don’t no why but I do. I’m calmer now anyways and snow is beautiful.
ANGRY!
*rage noises*
Sack it
I think I’m going to smoke today. Right now I couldn’t care less about my health.
“I wish my heart was as cold as the snow outside, then I could shut out this pain”
I’ll tell Tumblr the truth. I am fed up, bitter, lonely and angry. Basically I am feeling very melancholic.
I also want to leave this town. Forever. I see everyone away at uni living their lives and making new friends and what am I doing? I’m living at home and going to Teesside University where I am friendless and failing. Yes, I’m failing. So much for the “uni...